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Rated Cricket/Transcript
Cinema Galaxy, entrance and box office (Episode title appears on the entrance display; the Greens pass various posters of the movies being shown.) Cricket: Wow, a Big City movie theater! Tilly: Back home, the theater only had one screen. And an owl infestation. Bill: This'll be a nice change of pace for our family movie night! Cricket, Tilly, Gramma: Yaaaaay! (They pass one particular poster which Cricket is suddenly drawn to.) Cricket: Huh? Kiss of Death? Cooooool... Box office guy: Next, please! Bill: (steps up) Hey there. We'll take four tickets for Cr -- Cricket: (pushes forward) Hey, gimmie a million tickets to Kiss of Death! I'll pay with all my jellybeans! (hands in a pile of such) Bill: Kiss of Death? Cricket: Yeah! I only just saw the poster, but I think it's about an undead rebel on a quest for vengeance! He leaves a trail of carnage and destruction in his path - it's perfect for a manly dude like me! Bill: Sounds inappropriate. Besides, we've already decided to go see Croblins 2! (Shows a poster for said movie described; Benny ogles at it.) Benny: Golly-gee! Croblins 2! Cricket: Aww come on, Dad! Croblins is for babies! I wanted to be treated like an adult, and you wanna take me to a movie about pixies singin' songs and eatin' candy! I'm a man, now! I'm basically the patriarch of this family, after Gramma. Gramma: Smart boy. Bill: I just don't think you're mature enough for a movie like Kiss of Death. Besides, in Croblins, sometimes they throw in jokes only adults get! That's just as good! Tilly: Plus, it'll probably have a dance party at the end. You love dance parties, Cricket! Cricket: (giggles) Yeah, sure do. I mean -- that sounds dumb! Bill: (hands him his ticket; pats his head) You're still a kid. You don't need to be in such a rush to grow up. So, who's ready for Croblins?! Bill, Gramma, Tilly: (marching away) CROBLINS! CROBLINS! CROBLINS! Cricket: (rolls eyes and puts ticket in pocket) Mmm... Entrance hallway Bill: Since we're here a little early, I'll go grab us some popcorn. Meet ya in the theater! (leaves) Gramma: I'll go save us some seats before the good ones get taken. It'll be dog eat dog in there! (pushes two kids away) GAH! (enters the theater) Tilly: Well...I'm gonna go explorin'! (cartwheels away, giggling) (Several children run past the annoyed Cricket.) Cricket: What the -- ? (He dodges them before they leave.) Cricket: Oh man, just look at all these little kids! Of course, they're all goin' to see Croblins! (Benny poses next to a cardboard Croblin advertising the movie.) Benny: Take a photo of me, Mommy! Benny's mom: Oh, so precious! (takes photo) Cricket: (softly, viciously) Croblins... Cardboard Croblin: Toot-toot-pachoo! Croblin wants to hug you! Cricket: Oh, I'll give ya a hug!! Benny: I love you, Cardboard Croblin! (Cricket throws him to the ground) Oof! Cricket: Listen, Croblin! I don't like you! Cardboard Croblin: I love bein' silly! Cricket: Well, I don't wanna see a silly movie! Cardboard Croblin: I love all the babies in the world! Cricket: Yeah? Well, I'M NOT A BABY!! (punches it) I'm a mature!...Adult!...Who does mature!...THINGS! (punches its face out) Male voice: Hey, what are you doing? Cricket: Uh, he started it, officer! (Shows a teenage gang of four coming his way.) Blue boy: 'Sup? Cricket: Whoa, teenagers! Blue boy: Love the way you trashed that Croblin. Purple girl: That was very fire. Orange boy: We hate Croblins. Green girl: Like, literally. Cricket: Right?! They're the worst! They're all like, "Toot-toot-pachoo!" (The teenagers laugh.) Blue boy: Good one, dude. Cricket: Thanks. So is your dad also making you see Croblins? Blue boy: Psssh. I don't listen to my dad. We're seein' Kiss of Death. Cricket: (gasps) Hey, that's the movie I wanna see! Um...I mean...that's the movie I am seein'! Can I sit with you guys? Blue boy: Sure, man. Hey, can I scope that sweet Croblin's impression again? Cricket: Oh, you mean this one? "Ooh! I love hugs!" (The teens laugh.) Green girl: Oh, wow. That's so good. Cricket: Watchin' this movie with some teens will definitely up my maturity game. Hall elsewhere Tilly: Exploring! Exploring! Explor -- (bumps into someone) Oh! Ugh... (Shows the 3D glasses vendor before her.) 3D Glasses Vendor: Oh, hello. Do you need some 3D glasses? (hands her some) Tilly: (takes them) 3D glasses? 3D Glasses Vendor: That's right - see a whole new dimension. (points to a poster advertising such) Tilly: Huh. A whole new dimensi -- (puts the glasses on) Uh...ah...ah...ah!! AHH!...AHHHHH!!! (She falls; shows her rather dark perspective of the vendor from the glasses.) 3D Glasses Vendor: Kid, are you okay? Tilly: This new dimension is so similar. It's so... (stands) Different. 3D Glasses Vendor: You know they only work when you're watching the movie, right? Tilly: (not listening) In this dimension, this must be some kind of hat! (wears a spilled popcorn bucket as a hat) This takes my exploring up a notch. (goes off) Snack bar (The popcorn machine is filled to the brim; it has the headline "Best popcorn in the galaxy!".) Bill: "Best popcorn in the galaxy"? Don't mind if I do! Snack vendor: Next. Bill: One large popcorn, please. Snack vendor: Comin' right up. (hands him a filled bucket) Bill: Y'know, popcorn is one of my favorite foods. Snack vendor: Fascinating. Bill: (tastes popcorn; suddenly spits it out) ACK!! This popcorn is cold and stale! This bucket says "Best popcorn in the galaxy"! Snack vendor: Yeah. It's just like...a bunch of words on a bucket. Bill: What?! Eh -- no, son. It's a promise! And by golly, I'm gonna make sure it's an honest one! (hops behind the bar) Snack vendor: Uh, sir? Sir! Croblins 2 theater (Guests are in their seats as the pre-show previews start playing. Gramma arrives.) Gramma: All right...gotta find the best seats...aha! (She sees four seats in the middle row already occupied by a family of four.) Gramma: Time to take what's mine! (She starts doing her best "blind woman" impression as she falsely hobbles over to them.) Gramma: (stagey; moaning) Excuse me, young man? I'm tryin' to find some seats, but...my eyes just aren't what they used to be. Husband: Well, how many seats do you need? Gramma: Well...one for me, one for my son, my daughter, and my priest, because well...you just never know. Husband: Uh...you know what? Why don't you take our seats? Gramma: Oh, my! What a nice, young man! (As the family leaves; she sits in one of the seats.) Gramma: (mumbles again) Thank you! (drops the act) Heh! Suckers. Outside Kiss of Death theater Cricket: Alright, Kiss of Death, here we come! Kiss of Death'' Usher:' Hey, folks. Welcome to ''Kiss of Death. Please have your tickets ready. Cricket: (gasps) Ticket! Blue boy: (handing him theirs) There you go. (Cricket is clinging to the orange boy's back.) Kiss of Death Usher: Achoo!! Cricket: Bless you. Kiss of Death Usher: Hey, wait a minute! (reveals Cricket) Cricket: Curse my good manners! Kiss of Death Usher: Sorry, kid. I can't let you in without a ticket. Cricket: Oh, I think I just misplaced it, is all. Ha, you guys go get seats, and I'll get this sorted out. How does that sound? Blue boy: That sounds... (flips hair) Cool. Cricket: Okay, great! See you guys in a minute! (The teens enter the theater.) Cricket: (to the usher) All right, partner, I think we both know I'm tryin' to sneak into this movie. But I'm very mature for my age, and I think you should consider lettin' me in. Kiss of Death Usher: I do like your straightforward honesty...but I can't let you in without a ticket. Cricket: Completely understand. I'll be on my way now, good sir. (calmly walks away) Kiss of Death Usher: He really was mature for his age! Cricket: (comes back tearing up and screaming) I WANNA SEE THE MOVIE!! (the usher blocks him) IT'S NOT FAIR!! Fine! I'll just find another way in! (spots the door to the projecter room) Aha! I'm comin' for you, Kiss of Death! (runs in) Kiss of Death Usher: Hey, stop! (into his radio) Security! Another hallway (Tilly is still delusional from the glasses.) Tilly: A new dimension...the paradigm shifts before my very eyes! (goes up to a plant) The land...is lush and fertile. Let's see how the food is. (eats a leaf) Oh, my gosh -- I had no idea you were sentient! (She checks the slushy machines.) Tilly: This must be the power reactor. Keep up the good work, Mr. Engineer! (Shows Rob getting a drink from a soda machine.) Rob: Huh? (drink overflows) Agh!! Snack bar Bill: The key to great popcorn is the right ingredients, like a nice cob of homegrown Montgomery reserve. (He starts slicing kernels from a corncob into a pot on the stove.) Snack vendor: You just carry that around with you? Bill: Oh, never leave home without one. Add a little salt... (drops in some salt; the pot steams) Take a whiff. (inhales) Smell the difference? Snack vendor: (sniffs) Huh. I...I can smell the difference! Bill: Y'see? Soon, you'll be makin' the best popcorn in the galaxy. Croblins 2 theater Gramma: Ahh...best seats in the house. (An orange boy sits in the leftmost chair.) Gramma: HEY! That seat's taken! (throws him away) Scram! (to a blue girl) Nuh-uh! (throws her away; to a blue boy and purple girl) Grr... (She throws them away along with an orange girl.) Gramma: Heh, piece of cake. (a big guy sits next to her) Huh? (Shows the guy next to her wearing a Croblin hat and wearing a shirt that marks him as the #1 ''Croblins fan.)'' Croblin Fan: Ooh...boy. Best seat in the house. (eats his popcorn) Gramma: You might be a bit harder to toss. Projector room (Cricket runs past the various projectors; there's nowhere further to go.) Cricket: Aww, shoot! A dead end! Security guard (OS): Hey, kid? Come outta there! Cricket: Oh man, oh man!! (He scurries before the guard comes in, flashlight in hand.) Security guard: Time to come out, kiddo! (He hides behind projector B as she goes past.) Cricket: Oh, geeze! There's gotta be another way into the theater! (He looks up and gasps; above him is the projector hole to the ''Kiss of Death theater.)'' Cricket: I can't believe it, it's right there! Security guard (OS): Aha! Found you! Cricket: (ducks) Ahh!! Tilly (OS): Yes! You found me! (Tilly has arrived out of nowhere, standing on the projector.) Tilly: I am new to this world, we are discoverin' each other! You are a beautiful creature. Security guard: Okay, time to go. (grabs her) Tilly: Take me to your leader! (Cricket stays out of sight as the guard takes Tilly away.) Cricket: Thank you, Tilly. Kiss of Death theater (Cricket crawls through the projector room into the theater; the teens are already seated.) Cricket: (grunts; falls in) Ahh!! Oof. (joins them) Hey, guys! Blue boy: You're just in time, dude. The movie's about to start. Cricket: Ooh...boy! Snack bar (The popcorn is popping; the customers are getting impatient.) Bill: Sounds like she's about done! (He takes off the lid to reveal the popcorn underneath.) Snack vendor: Wow! I've never seen such a perfect yield! Bill: What are you waitin' for? (The vendor takes one bite of the popcorn and is touched by it; he faints into Bill's arms.) Bill: Whoa! Are you okay? Snack vendor: This is the best popcorn I've ever tasted! From now on, I will work to maintain the high standard of popping corn we've set here today! Bill: I'm proud of you, son. (The customers complain.) Yellow man: Excuse me? Can I get my popcorn, now? My movie starts in five minutes! Snack vendor: Of course! With this new technique, I'll have your popcorn ready in about an hour! (More complaining.) Yellow man: What have you done?! Bill: Oh. Uh...quality over quantity? Yellow man: GET HIS POPCORN! (They start to advance toward him but are sprayed; Tilly is riding on a janitorial bucket and spraying slushy juice.) Tilly: Back, creatures! Get away from my alternate dimension Papa! Bill: C'mon, Tilly! (They run off.) Yellow man: AFTER THAT POPCORN! (They give chase.) Bill: Back! Back, you animals! (He throws some on the floor behind him) Yellow man: Popcorn! (They start gobbling at it.) Bill: Phew! That was close! Thanks, Tilly. Tilly: You're welcome, alt-Papa. But now, I must return to my own dimension. Tell alt-Tilly I said hi. Bill: (confused) Um...okay? Tilly: Take care of yourself, alt-Papa! (removes glasses; back to her regular self) Oh, hi, Papa! Let's go, our movie's about to start. (removes bucket helmet) Bill: Tilly, sometimes you make me worry. Croblins 2 theater Gramma: Hey fella, you're in my seat! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?! Croblin Fan: Uh, as you can clearly see, I am the number one Croblin fan. (points at his shirt) Gramma: I was bein' rhetorical! Now get outta that seat! (struggles to push him out) I'm...savin' it...for my family!! '''''GET OUT!! Bill (OS): Hey, Ma! We made it! (Bill and Tilly arrive and sit.) Gramma: Finally! This dinner took one of my seats! Bill: Oh, it's fine, Ma. Let's enjoy the movie. Popcorn, sweetie? Gramma: Hmm... Tilly: Oh, that sounds great, Papa. Kiss of Death theater (''Kiss of Death starts playing; somewhere in a graveyard, a redheaded, yellow-skinned woman faces a mysterious visitor on a motorcycle.)'' Woman (VO): Some people have near-death experiences, but I think I got closer to death than any girl in the whole world. ('''Title:' Kiss of Death)'' Cricket: Ooh, this is gonna be good! Woman: I know what you are! (She takes off the visitor's mustache disguise, revealing it to be a skeleton.) Woman: You're DEAD! (The skeleton's jaw chatters.) Cricket: Ooh! Skeleton monsters, all right! Woman: But even though you're dead...you'll...always live in my heart. (The skeleton puts his hand on her cheek.) Cricket: Uh... (nervous chuckle) Nice fake-out. That skeleton's gonna rip her apart any second, now. Woman: It's getting cold... (The skeleton offers her his coat.) Woman: (chuckles) Thanks. Cricket: Uh...what is goin' on, here? Are you guys enjoyin' this? (The teens are not paying attention and texting.) Cricket: Guys? Hmm...well, I'm sure we'll get to somethin' exciting soon. (The woman feels the skeleton's ribs.) Cricket: Where's all the car chasin' and the explosions and the -- ?! (gasps in horror) No. (Now the woman holds the skeleton's face close.) Cricket: No. No. Oh, no. No, no, nonono...!!! Woman: I love you. (The skeleton's jaw chatters again; they share a romantic kiss.) Cricket: NO!!! OH, WHAT IS HAPPENING?! GUYS, WHAT THE HECK KINDA MOVIE IS THIS!?! (The teens are kissing.) Cricket: AHHH!!! I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!!! (He runs further down the seats until he lands in another kissing couple's lap; they stop kissing and see him.) Cricket: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Croblins 2 theater Bill: Hey, where's Cricket? He should've been here by now. Cricket: (enters in panic) AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (lands on the Croblin fan) Oof. Guys! I found you! Oh, it was awful! They kept touchin' and smoochin' and turned to the side and they were smoochin'...I DON'T WANNA GROW UP AND HAVE TO SMOOCH SKELETONS!! Croblin fan: Ugh! This is why I hate kids! (He stomps away; Cricket sighs in relief as the lights dim.) Gramma: You little scamp! You got rid of him. Boy, don't ever grow up. Cricket: I don't plan on it. I don't plan on it. Movie announcer: And now for our feature presentation: Croblins 2! Croblin: Toot-toot-pachoo! (farts) (Everyone in the theater laughs.) Cricket: That's comedy. Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:R Category:A-Z